WHAT: Bellagio Winning Gummies

WHERE: Gift shop in the Bellagio hotel

WHEN: bought- November 2015 / expiration- February 2016

WHY: Blood sugar was running low after a few hours of sitting at the 1/2 NLHE poker tables. Also, curiosity and sense of adventure.

this was as far as i could get without dry heaving…

Flavor – 1

You know things are not good if you can smell the candy through not only the individual wrapping (maybe that’s their attempt to hide the “toxic floral” aroma from consumers) but the main packaging as well. Red chip is the least offensive of the bunch only because it was practically flavorless. Black tastes exactly like what the Bellagio lobby smells like- a mixture of stripper perfume and cigarettes. Green, I have no clue. No words. Im done with this. (EDIT: upon further review on the packaging, red is supposed to be strawberry, black is black currant and green is cantaloupe. still doesn’t help one iota)

Texture – 5

I was expecting the worst with this one. Once I mustered enough courage to bite into one I wasn’t completely repulsed. Somewhat decent texture with some fight. Enjoyed the chewiness before the gag reflex kicked in. Solid 5 for this one.

Longevity –  0

Never again.

Design – 3

Oh look! It’s a cute poker chip! But…like a mini fondant cake disaster version of one. Yay.

Nutrition – 1

According to the nutritional facts, a serving size for these Chinese-made candies is 3 poker chips. It also states that it has 19 grams of sugar per serving. PER SERVING. 3 chips, 19 grams. The kicker is that one of the ingredients is sorbitol- an artificial sweetener. So in addition to the artificial sugar alcohol, they STILL felt the need to add that much additional sugar AND STILL strawberry is flavorless.

Overall –  1

Gamble your rent check. Gamble your kid’s college fund. But for all that is holy, do not gamble your life on these mutant candies. Remember, the house always wins.